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Long story short, he was caught in voyeuristic activities in the male restroom at his place of work, accused of abusing his male relatives and caught naked with his male friend who served as the best man in our wedding.He still denies being gay or having feelings for men.We had sex early in the relationship, and we fell in love. There were issues with him from the start, but nothing to make me think that he might be gay. He’s been sexual with me.” We just didn’t understand back then. I did ask, however, because I wanted to be open-minded, “Has anything happened in your past?Then somebody who was part of my social network informed me, a couple of weeks before we were supposed to get married, that he had suspicions that Robert was gay. I understand people try things.” And he said, “Nothing happened in my past.” So I just let it go and we got married. In next week’s post, I will present the second half of my discussion with Bonnie Kaye, where she talks about moving forward with two small children, becoming a therapist, and working to help other women in similar situations.I am posting this comment to let other women know, if you have these suspicions it is for a reason.Most women do not think that their husbands are gay.When he told me about that, I said, “Why would a guy be so interested in you? So even though Robert lied to me about being gay, I did understand why he did it. “I’ll take the children and you’ll never see them again.” Finally, he walked out. This is what comes of our culture's bi-sexual erasure and the need to place people in clean little boxes instead of making the attempt to understand from the other person's point of view.Tell him you’re married.” He said, “Well, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” I know in retrospect, of course, that somebody who was straight wouldn’t say that. And at the end of the day, it wasn’t the fact that he was gay that was so devastating to me, it was the way that he treated me. I think that once he saw I was willing to stay, he started pushing the boundaries, doing more of what he wanted to do. I find it interesting that a lot of men in this situation rationalize their behavior, saying it’s not cheating and it doesn’t mean they’re gay. And I bought into that in the beginning because I didn’t know what I was up against. I really thought that people can choose to be straight or gay. I did, even then, think that many gay people are who they are and that’s all there is to it. He said, “How dare you go through my personal business? ” I said, “You’re seeing somebody and you’re asking me, ‘How dare I find out? He had also been telling me things like, “If you ever tell anybody these silly stories about me being gay, then that’s it, we’re done.” And then he would threaten to take the children, telling me I would never see them again. Not only is there no information about their married sex life, but we are being asked to accept her version of the motivations for his behavior.
So despite the denials, your gut was telling you something wasn’t right? It was really hard for men, made harder by the AIDS epidemic. He was born with a rare disease, so I was running back and forth to hospitals doing a million things for him. I had a high school equivalency diploma and that’s it. He came back a week later and I had no idea he was coming because I’d never even called to talk with him. If the man was truly, totally Gay he would, at the very least, soon start suffering from loss of desire for his wife usually accompanied by sexual dysfunctions such as the inability to ejaculate or suffer from erectile difficulties all caused by low desire.
But it’s really hard to be something that you’re not, and in time it falls apart. Well, one day, about two years into the marriage, he was really upset and pacing all over, and I said, “What’s the matter? A woman gets this because her husband is living with her but doesn’t really want to be with her, so he makes it her fault. What she doesn't understand about being gay is a lot.
Do you find that a lot of gay men in straight marriages engage in blaming and gaslighting as part of the act? Many times these guys, instead of just being honest, will make their wife feel confused about the situation and make her think that she’s the problem in the marriage. I saw in one of your blog posts you use the term “gaylighting” to describe this form of gaslighting. These men make their wives think that they’re imagining things, that they’re seeing things that aren’t there. That’s why I say that living authentically is the most important thing in life and relationships. I don’t know how people can live a lie for years on end. Honestly, I wasn’t even living back then, I was just existing day-to-day. This doesn't excuse anything her husband might have done, but that doesn't mean that what he did is the general rule.
There were guys showing up at the door, and Robert would make comments about how guys found him attractive. When I was growing up in California it wasn’t that bad. But in most places in the world, it was really difficult. So it wasn’t like I had a lot of skills to go out and get a decent job. He had his suitcase in his hand and I said, “What are you doing? You’re not coming back.” He said, “Do you mean to tell me you’re willing to break up a family? Totally understandable in a Gay man married to a straight woman.
There was one guy that was at his office where he worked, the mail guy, who Robert said was all over him and crazy about him. On the east coast where we were, being gay was still really hidden. Then, with the AIDS epidemic, a lot of men who were gay felt as if they could be straight, it was a good time to be straight. And I understand why these men, if they thought they could be straight, tried that route. I just looked out the window and said, “How am I ever going to survive? ” He said, “I’m coming back home.” Thankfully, I was strong enough to say, “No, you’re not. If this man could maintain sexual desire for her over time, enough to conceive two children there must have been SOME sexual desire in the relationship and that is because the man was bi-sexual with a "preference" for other men perhaps but sexual desire when being intimate with either sex.