Dating a recovering crack addict
Recovering the mind, body and spirit requires time to clear the years of shame, guilt, denial and emotional wreckage, and the likelihood of staying sober increases with each year in recovery. Once individuals pass the one-year mark, they can gradually ease back into dating.
At the same time, Desloover counsels, they should continue in therapy for at least another year for help to maintain healthy dating habits.
Learning to feel emotions again, including positive feelings of love and intimacy, can be one of the most challenging parts of recovery, but also one of the most rewarding.
Contrary to what a lot of people think – that an addict’s job is the first thing to go – drug use shows up first in the dysfunction of the addict’s relationships.
Codependent individuals focus too heavily on the needs of their partner (“My happiness is dependent on making/keeping you happy”), and define themselves by their relationship, sometimes lowering their personal standards to please someone else.
Some women choose abusive partners in early recovery because they lack discernment or grew accustomed to being treated poorly in childhood.
Recovering people often have learned to either shut down and hold in their emotions for fear of being hurt or to romanticize their relationships and fall in love at the first opportunity, without discriminating.
“We have to learn to love ourselves before we can love someone else.” People in recovery might choose to date a very different type of person when they first quit using as compared to when they have achieved a year of sobriety, observes Desloover.The dissatisfaction they feel in their relationships is often the stressor that led to their drug abuse in the first place.“Women in early recovery often choose abusive men because they seem in control, while the women feel out of control in their own lives.In early recovery, people tend to choose the same type of partner they would’ve chosen when they were using drugs.This person often is abusive or codependent, as is the recovering person early on.