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"With in-and-out relationships, [you] get to say ‘I want something real,’ but on another level, something more real is frightening," adds Greenberg.You have to ask yourself: is there a part of you that would freak out if the flaky guy stopped flaking?Supporting a partner is great, but if you're honest with yourself, your relationships always feel uneven. Greenberg notes, is that you're simply mirroring what you grew up with – a mother (or women in general) who did all the work in the family.Another could be that you feel comfortable being needed.This guy changes his mind about you and the relationship all the time.

Overly-wishful thinking makes sense if it happens once with a guy you really like.

“There’s a story the person tells themselves about the relationship that diminishes his bad behavior. "These kinds of 'relationship-like' situations very rarely turn into real relationships."This is the guy who goes off about his own opinions and accomplishments so often that a part of you is actually embarrassed to be with him.

‘This will be different.’ ‘They were not right for him.’ ‘I am right for him, therefore he will not cheat on me.’” As incredible and special as he might make you feel, you're more of an escape to him than someone he "just loves so much" that he has to cheat on his current-girlfriend. He talks over your friends and acts like the ultimate authority over everything, yet a part of you believes he might be? Greenberg, sometimes arrogance and cockiness is mistaken for true confidence and ability.

"The method works, exactly for the reason that the pickup gurus say it works: It makes you seem very confident, which is a very attractive trait," says Dr. "Also, it makes the other person want to prove you wrong." This is precisely why it's really important to learn to trust your gut when a guy's "jokes" make you feel off.

“If you feel unsure of yourself, you think they're right," says Dr. She elaborates to say that actually-decent people can be filled with enough self-doubt to fall for these criticisms.

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